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Systemic Therapy
IN-PERSON IN PLANO + ONLINE ACROSS TEXAS
You didn’t become who you are in isolation.
Long before you started thinking about how you communicate, handle stress, express emotions, or connect in relationships, you were learning. You learned from your family, your relationships, your culture and community, your faith, your experiences, and the messages you received about who you were supposed to be.
Along the way, you developed beliefs about what love looks like, which emotions are okay to express, how conflict should be handled, when to ask for help, what success means, and what you’re supposed to do when life gets hard. Some of those lessons may still serve you well. Others may be showing up in ways you never realized.
The Patterns We Learn Can Follow Us
Maybe growing up, conflict meant yelling, or maybe it meant silence. Maybe sadness was comforted, or maybe you learned to hide it. Being successful may have meant working hard no matter how exhausted you were. Asking for help might not have been something your family did. Love may have been shown through words and affection, or through providing, sacrificing, and simply being there.
We carry these experiences with us, and sometimes the patterns that once helped us belong, cope, or protect ourselves begin creating difficulties in a different stage of life. You might find yourself wondering, Why do I shut down when someone is upset with me? Why do I feel guilty when I rest? Why is it so hard to ask for what I need? Why do my partner and I keep having the same argument? Why am I reacting to my child in ways I promised myself I never would? Understanding where a pattern came from can help you decide whether you want to keep carrying it.
What Happens Inside of You Affects the Relationships Around You
Our struggles rarely exist completely on their own. When you’re overwhelmed or anxious, you may become more reactive with your children. When conflict feels unsafe, you may withdraw from your partner. When you’ve learned that your needs come last, you may take care of everyone else until you’re exhausted or resentful. Relationships affect us in return. A disconnected marriage may increase your stress, parenting challenges may create conflict between partners, and family expectations may influence decisions you’re trying to make for yourself.
This is why at ICUC Therapy, we don’t only ask, “What’s wrong?” We also get curious about what shaped you, what happens around you, what keeps the pattern going, and what you would like to do differently.
Individual, Couples & Family Therapy: Connected by the Same Approach
You don’t have to bring your entire family to therapy for us to think systemically.
Individual Therapy
Individual therapy can explore your own experiences while also considering the relationships, family patterns, beliefs, culture, and environments that helped shape you. We can look at not only what you’re feeling, but where certain patterns may have come from and how they’re affecting your life today.
Couples Therapy
Two people don’t enter a relationship empty-handed. Each person brings their own experiences with communication, affection, conflict, trust, family roles, emotions, and expectations. Therapy can help you understand what each of you brings into the relationship and what happens between you when those patterns meet.
Family Therapy
Families develop patterns too. One person’s stress can affect another person’s response, which affects someone else’s response, until everyone feels caught in a cycle. Rather than focusing on one person as “the problem,” family therapy can help identify the patterns happening between family members and create healthier ways of communicating, responding, and connecting.
You May Be Wondering...
Does systemic therapy mean my family has to come to therapy?
No. We can use a systemic approach in individual, couples, or family therapy. Even when you're the only person in the room, understanding the relationships and experiences around you can give us important context for what you're experiencing today.
Are you going to blame my childhood for everything?
No. Understanding where something came from isn't the same as assigning blame. We can acknowledge how past experiences shaped you while also focusing on what you want to change now.
What if I had a good childhood?
You don't have to have experienced trauma or a difficult childhood to develop patterns. Every family and community teaches us ways of communicating, connecting, handling emotions, working, resting, and relating to others. Some of those patterns may work well for you, while others may need to change as your life changes.
Can this help with anxiety, stress, or relationship problems?
A systemic perspective can be used alongside therapy for many different concerns. It can help us explore not only the symptoms you're experiencing, but also the relationships, patterns, expectations, and environments that may be contributing to or maintaining them.